Emotions and feelings can fly when dealing with the ones we love the most. Especially when they are in our personal space living with us daily.
Working through triggers with a partner can also be a deep level of healing, if we are able to look past the triggers and emotions to dive under the layer of hurt and seek growth.
Why are we so triggered by the ones we love the most?
More often than not, being triggered by a partner or loved one, is so reactive because of our emotions.
Also they often trigger a feeling from an old trauma or wound that we may not even know existed, such as abandonment from a parent, rejection from someone who was important to us or because of other past experiences we’ve had from those we love.
We could also be triggered because of something this person has done in the past that we haven’t fully let go of.
Identifying when we are triggered aids growth in the relationship.
Understanding that many of the things that trigger us aren’t even from what actually happened in the moment. We are feeling the emotions that are tied to a past event.
This one can run deep, so I invite you to dive deep within on this when you feel triggered by your partner/spouse/lover and really seek what the underlying cause is. Go within first, to take responsibility for your trigger before trying to talk it through.
This will give you insight into being overactive to situations you’re experiencing, versus seeing opportunities to grow together or experience personal growth on your own.
If you have a knee jerk reaction to something your partner says or does, then you are probably being triggered.
Step 1: Pause and Freeze Frame
Step 2: Ask for clarification if you feel you need it,
Step 3: What is my initial reaction in this moment?
Step 4: Am I being triggered because of what was said or done truly because of what it is, or does this remind me of something from my past?
If something from my past, what is it? Where did it come from? How did this use to affect me and what was my reaction/response to it then? – Journaling in the moment can help you identify your feelings and work through situations that are triggering from past experiences.
If this trigger is truly because of what happened in the moment, ask questions like am I being triggered because I’m tired or not feeling well?
Is it really that big of a deal?
Is it something that is recurring?
Can we discuss solutions rather than the problem in a loving way so I feel heard?
Is this something I can let go?
This one can be tiring, having a partner on board with this if possible is helpful to the growth journey. However, keep in mind that we are responsible for the way we feel – its not their fault so even if they aren’t on board you can still do the inner work within.