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How do you show up in conversations?

How do you say the things you are trying to communicate? 

So often, we mean one thing, but what actually comes out of our mouth is something that either lands wrong or is from a deep seated fear or old trauma. It lands on the other person and before you know it feelings are hurt, emotions are flying and misunderstandings are at an all time high.

Ok, so maybe you don’t miscommunicate but your body language does. 

This reflection exercise allows you to see how you’re showing up in conversations either with what you are saying or what your body language is communicating or both! 

When you view yourself in a conversation, you can become aware of both and understand how you’re really communicating. 

This one is a bit tricky, because you want to stay present in the conversation while also viewing yourself and how you are verbally and non-verbally communicating. 

This exercise is best done by peering down into a conversation of your choice to watch yourself, to listen to yourself, to see yourself. 

It’s a bit of a weird experiment at first because it feels totally un-natural! AND it’s very insightful when you begin to do this. It is a true accelerator for change within. 

As you view how you are speaking, sitting, and what you are saying versus what you actually mean – you can begin to become a better communicator. 

So, sit back and watch first, before you try to make changes.
Observation in this exercise is what empowers you to understand what you are doing, so that you can then shift behaviors or verbiage.

This one is exhausting also, so take it easy on yourself – have patience – change doesn’t happen overnight it’s through consistent dedication and commitment to yourself. 

Reflection Exercise:

Step 1. Identify a conversation where you want to observe yourself in the conversation.

Step 2. Pull out of the conversation as if you are viewing the conversation from a 3rd party point of view – I tend to like to look from above but this may be different for you. 

Step 3. See yourself in the conversation, without judgment. 

  • How are you sitting or standing? 
    1. Is your back straight or are you slumped?
    2. Are you engaged or tuned out?
  • What facial expressions do you have?
  • What are you saying?
  • How is your body language in the moment?

Step 4: Watch yourself in this conversation

Step 5: Watch the other person in this conversation – how are they interacting with you?

Are they comfortably receiving what you are communicating or are they on the defensive?

Create a goal with yourself to practice this with one conversation a day for primal insight into yourself and how you are showing up in conversations. 


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